Let us discuss people with disabilities (PWD’s) and how they can marry and have children. Most live without children. What do people think?
Many people with disabilities, ladies and men, face challenges where their parents do not allow them to marry and have children.
I think there is a role for Organisations of Persons with Disabilities (OPD’s) who can advocate and increase the capacity of PWD’s to have confidence to overcome challenges that hinders them from this life experience.
Marriage is a very complicated situation for people with disabilities and most deaf women in the early 70s to 80s thought that marrying a hearing person will make their marriage successful, however, unfortunately the majority of them are now divorced, living as single mothers and caring for children alone. This has made the current Deaf Community get married to their same disability of hearing-impaired instead of a hearing person. The majority enjoy their marriage because they understand each other better.
And we, the hearing, may think that marrying a person with diverse disability is more complementing than marrying someone with the same disability. This brings in a different perspective to this conversation.
In the community where I live in Western part of Kenya, the majority of women with physical disability are married as second wives, some just for sexual pleasure and are left with children to look after. A few months ago, I met a lady with physical disability who had given birth to 7 children because she was obedient to the husband without any plans. Unfortunately, she is the one who looks for food and school fees without the support from the husband.
Sadly, these are realities on the ground. But going personal, what experiences can we share on this topic that has affected us individually?
Girls and women with disabilities need to be empowered to amplify their voices to speak out, on human rights, how they can seek legal rights, economic empowerment as well as getting training on entrepreneurship and business exposure.
Comment 1: I think many people with disabilities face challenges entering sexual relationships, particularly if it is with somebody from outside the impairment community. Our experience of disability goes beyond our inability to do certain things. It is about us finding a partner who understands our perspective and we understand theirs.
Disability and marriage? Mmmmmm? I know a friend who has been cheated on by 8 men and has kids with each of them. They promise heaven to her, but immediately she gets pregnant, they then leave her. Many men want to use disabled women as a convenience but not for true love. Most of them say that disabled women are not misused (not sexually used) and so, they think that disabled women are perfect sexual objects. Sorry to put it that way, but it's the fact.
Comment 2: This came up in research I undertook in 2016 on sexual reproductive health rights for women with disabilities and this was brought out very clearly. Thanks for your input, dear.
Let's call a spade a spade not a spoon. Us disabled women and girls are just “loved” in quotes. 95% of abled men, will never want even to be seen near a disabled woman openly, in the name of love, unless that lady has other potential or wealth, apart from being disabled.
Trauma and fear
I can bring a different angle from what you've shared. I believe most women with disabilities are not empowered enough to make sound relationship choices and take full ownership of their own bodies. When a man comes, they quickly fall in love without first giving the relationship enough time to figure out if it's lust or love. Women with disabilities are not equipped enough, we need to have discussions with a girl child with a disability so that when she grows she can take ownership of her body and relationship matters. This needs to be done from a family level, church, school, university & community level.